Baby's First Christmas

As we wrap up (or unwrap, rather) baby Brittney's first Christmas, I am faced with contemplative thoughts about what her diet will be like this time next year. I hate to admit it, but I have become incredibly analytical about the food our loved ones serve at holiday gatherings, and I have reached the conclusion that I will likely fix a dish to bring to most of these events. I would like to spend the next year testing PKU friendly recipes to share with our family. We are very blessed that Brittney's case is so mild that she will be able to enjoy many of the items on the menu; however, the traditional ham, cream cheese dip, and bacon wrapped green beans will probably not be an option. A delicious carrot dish with brown sugar would be wonderful! Or a low protein apple crisp for dessert... yummy.

One of my New Year's Resolutions, for Britt's sake, is to become a vegetarian. I know this will be difficult with the cuisine our families are used to preparing (everything has meat in it!), but I want to face those obstacles before Brittney has to so we don't wind up sitting at a get-together feeling guilty that Britt can't eat anything there. I also don't want to spend every get-together pulling out Brittney's separate lunch box, making her feel like she's completely different and isolated from everyone else. My diet can never be exactly like hers because our needs are different, and my body would not be well nourished on her diet, but she will not be able to eat meat, and that is something I can do without compromising my own health. I am also feeling very blessed that our family members are so open to trying these new recipes and are so in love with Brittney that they are bending over backwards to accommodate her.

Andy is still finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact that Brittney needs special accommodations. I feel like he is still in denial about some times. I worry about him a lot. She's very lucky to have a Daddy who cares about her as much as he does. She's his whole world.

What happened?

People ask it a lot: "Where did the time go?" And truthfully, I often thought that people who ask that question simply aren't being present in their own lives because when we are present, every moment has an opportunity to sink in and stick. That thought, obviously, ended promptly when Brittney arrived. Now I'm barely able to keep up with the laundry, much less the moments flying by. I was inspired to revisit this project (or more plainly remembered I had a blog) when I stumbled upon the blog of an old friend from high school. I enjoyed looking at the pictures of her family and can't even imagine that the girl who sat in front of me in Mr. Richard's physics class senior year has a husband and a four-year-old son. Even less comprehendable to me is the fact that I, too, have a husband, a 5 month old little girl, a career, a house, a car, a car payment. When did that happen? When did I become a responsible adult? Where did the time go?

To update, Brittney's phenylalanine (phe) levels have dropped to 2.7, and we've started feeding her green beans and, for the first time today, sweet potatoes. She isn't fond of either. She also tried to sit up by herself today, holding her torso weight with her arms for a second before toppling over onto her face. Her daddy felt bad that he got so excited about her new strength that he didn't think to put a pillow to cushion her if she fell. She forgave him by trying to eat his face, her idea of baby kisses. She grabs both sides of his (or my) face, sometimes the ears or hair, and pulls him in, grunting, for a slobbery smooch. Needless to say, it's ADORABLE!

Britt also got a letter in the mail today from a jolly ol' fellow who'll be making a visit at our house this year! It's postmarked 'Nashville,' so I imagine one of his regional elves really sent it, but we won't tell her that. **wink, wink** I still have a ton, as in all, of my shopping to do for the holidays. Maybe Santa could spot me this year and I'll hit him back on the next go round. ...No? Well, it was worth a shot.

Six Weeks Old!

People have been telling me lately to write everything down because it's amazing how quickly you forget how amazing a newborn baby is. With that, I decided to make a list of things I NEVER want to forget about Brittney:

1. How much she loves her hairdryer,
2. The way she shakes her fists when she's mad,
3. Her "crazy face" (Elvis lip, eyes crossed),
4. When she's hungry and tries to eat her clothes,
5. When she's mad and her chin quivers,
6. Holding my fingers when she eats,
7. Singing herself to sleep,
8. Talking to her bird,
9. How much she hates to poop,
10. Her "are you really my mom" look,
11. The way she waits until I lie down to scream,
12. When she throws her hands and feet in the air when she startles,
13. When she snuggles and 'kisses' my neck,
14. The way she chomps on her passy,
15. Spitting her passy into the air when she sneezes,
16. The confused face she makes when a sneeze doesn't come,
17. Her toothless grin,
18. When she wants her bottle (or passy) but can't figure out how to get her hands out of the way,
19. Squealing when she wants attention, and
20. The way she sleeps intermittently among babbles.

Number 20 is what she is doing right now... and number 8.

Good News!

Vanderbilt called with Brittney's most recent test results, and her levels have dropped to a 4.4! I wasn't sure what to expect because when we got there, they informed us that the information regarding the phe content of our current formula (Member's Mark brand) was outdated and there was actually a lot more phe in it that we had originally thought. That messed up the calculations they had done to determine the ratio of special PKU formula to regular formula, which could have affected the results. It was sort of a good mistake, though, because it means that Brittney's body can tolerate a lot more phe that we thought in the beginning. On the other hand, it may have kept her levels from dropping adequately with the added PKU formula. Luckily, we dropped below a 6 (the known "safe-zone" for phe levels), although our dietitian will likely adjust our formula to bring her levels down a little lower. Thank you all for following our journey!!

Photo Shoot

Brittney had her first photo shoot this past Tuesday, and it went great! Well... it went as great as anything does with a hungry newborn who hates having her outfits changed 12 times... She slept through the first few shoots and we wanted her to wake up, but when she finally woke up she fussed and made goofy faces for the camera. Figures... We got a good laugh, though! The photographer, Christy Nolin, was incredibly patient with us as we stopped to feed Brittney and change a few diapers. We had a wonderful time! For a preview of the shoot, visit http://christysstudio.blogspot.com.

In other news, school starts later this week, and even though I'll be on maternity leave, I am so not ready! I'll be teaching 8th grade math this year, which will be a challenge. I thrive on challenge, so I really think I'll do well. Planning for a new age and subject while taking care of a newborn has mentally taxing, so maybe getting into some sort of groove with school will be a good thing.

Recent Developments

Things my daughter can do:

• Hold her head up (and steady) for several seconds,
• Spit her milk out like a camel,
• Grab my glasses during feedings,
• Do yoga (babies are so flexible!), and
• Belch the alphabet (okay, maybe not, but if she knew the alphabet, she could fit in into one good belch).

She's so awesome, and she makes the cutest face when she farts!

We are finally beginning to settle into a groove with Brittney. I actually found time today to do yoga and go for a walk, and Andy was gone most of the day! The dishes and laundry are done... or they will be before I go to bed tonight.

Now that I'm finding time in my days, and now that Andy is mentally stable again, I can pay myself a little attention. That attention started this morning when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in my skivvies... wow. I know it's only been 3 weeks, but.... wow. I know, I know... I'm still fairly thin (although I'm 20 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight), but that's not it... I look like a deflated balloon, one that was recently way over inflated. I guess I hadn't noticed since I'd been so focused on Brittney and Andy. That vision inspired me to start yoga again and get back into running (starting with a walk). I also need to eat healthier than I have been, so I started the day off by cutting up an apple and mixing it with a small container of vanilla yogurt, a small box of raisins, and a sprinkle of cinnamon. It was delicious! Healthy feels good... nevermind that I ate almost a fourth of a bag of chocolate chips as a snack this afternoon. Mmmmm....

She's Growing!

We went back to Vanderbilt yesterday for another check-up. Brittney weighed 8lbs and measured 21 inches! She's growing like a champ. She'll be 3 weeks old on Friday, and I can't even remember what it was like to be pregnant! With everything that's been going on, it feels like it's been forever since she was in my belly.

She and I went to Clarksville today with Jessica and Wade, which was exciting! I guess other people's kids just aren't as well behaved as mine because everyone who approached me asking how old she is was shocked that I was brave enough to venture out with such a young infant. All she does is sleep... it's easy!

At her doctor's appointment yesterday, her blood phe level had gone up to a 7, so we began her on a mixture of her regular formula and the phe-free stuff they gave us. I didn't know it, but this condition comes with a free gram scale and measuring equipment! We have to measure 73 grams of regular formula and 15 grams of phe-free formula and add water to make 20oz. We met another couple while we were there this time who have a 3 month old daughter with basically the exact same thing as Britt. Her phe tolerance is very similar to our daughter's, and it was very reassuring to talk to someone going through the exact same thing. Everyone's stories and prayers have been so helpful, but just to hear from someone who knows that it's going to be okay really put my mind at ease.

Andy is doing a lot better today.... A LOT better! After we got the call giving us instructions for mixing her formula, he seems to have realized that we'll be able to manage this and she'll be just fine. I'm glad because I'm not sure how much of this I could have handled. I guess you just do what you have to sometimes!

What day is it, again?

Tomorrow is Brittney's 2 weeks check-up, although she will technically be 2 weeks and 3 days old. It has been a very eventful week! I finally gained enough courage this week to take a shower during her nap (because I was starting to smell), which wasn't all that brave since I put her in the bathroom with me and cut my shower short the moment she started whimpering (in her sleep). I only got to shave one leg.

Brittney has also started cooing this week. Her Aunt Lauren got her a lamb that makes quiet nature sounds to help her sleep, but it doesn't help her sleep at all. She lays awake and talks to it. She's also decided that she doesn't like being swaddled anymore, despite her Daddy's commitment to continue swaddling for the first month of her life as the pediatrician suggested. (Notice I said "suggested," not "mandated," but whatever...)

We've begun to take people up on their offers of watching her while we catch some sleep. It's not her that's keeping us awake, she's only waking up once during the night to eat, and then she's down again within an hour. No, it's waiting for Tuesday that's keeping us awake at night. Andy has begun to sleep with the TV on to keep his mind from racing. He seems to be doing better, thanks to all the company and support we've received. After losing almost 15 pounds and countless hours of sleep, he's finally on a upward swing. This has made him sicker than Brittney will ever be! He went to the doctor on Friday and got something to help him get through this. I have kept busy taking care of a newborn, a husband, and my postpartum self, not to mention getting lessons ready to start my new job on maternity leave. Oh, and then there's the dishes, the laundry, the dog, getting groceries, and so on.... Whew! I'm never going to get to work out again, or read a book, or paint my toenails, or have friends! Maybe I'll put off continuing my Master's degree for another semester....

This past few weeks have been a serious roller coaster, and it's been much harder on him than it has on Brittney and me. Brittney doesn't have a care in the world, and I can honestly say that I am okay. Even if Brittney does have to be on a special diet, she'll probably be healthier than any of us. Besides, it's just food... it's not life.

I had better quit typing.... I just heard the dryer calling me, or was that the oven? No, it's my cell phone...

The morning after...

After a good night sleep (or as good of a nights sleep as one can get with a 10 day old baby), I feel a lot better about our situation. I think it's important to let you all know that Brittney is in no danger of brain damage since we caught this so early. No one will be able to tell a difference between her and any other kid unless we tell them. She will live a full and healthy life, just on a different diet than most of us. Also, this condition isn't like diabetes, with spikes and crashes. It's the gradual buildup of phe in her system over a long period of time that can cause problems. If left untreated, we probably wouldn't notice any differences in Brittney for a year or more. She would develop normally for a long time before beginning a slow decline. However, that's not going to happen because we know what's going on early. She's safe and she feels perfectly fine, except for the occasional bout of gas.

Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers.

Brief Update

I want to start off by thanking those of you who have been our support the last few days. Andy and I really appreciate having such wonderful family and friends to lean on.

For those of you who don't know, Brittney has been diagnosed with a mild form of something called PKU. Basically, when we eat protein, our bodies have enzymes that break it down. There is a specific protein, called phenylalanine, or phe (pronounced "fee") for short, that Brittney's body is unable to adequately metabolize. If left untreated, the build-up of phe in her system can lead to brain damage and other complications. Normal phe levels for you and I would be a 1 or less. Levels between 2 and 6 are considered elevated, but non-threatening to her health. Anything above a 6 requires dietary changes and special formula. Currently, Brittney's phe is a 5.6, which is borderline. We go back in a week to have her tested again. The odds of a baby being born with PKU is 1 in 10,000. Only 6-8 babies in Tennessee have this every year. I can't even win a door prize at the faculty meetings! How is my baby the one to have this? Andy and I have been incredibly stressed the last few days.

The doctor's appointment today was a very surreal experience. Vanderbilt called this morning and said that her newborn screening definitely showed signs of PKU and they wanted her to come in today for more tests, so we drove to Nashville expecting to draw blood, check vitals, and go home to wait for results. Instead, we get to Vandy, and we're led to a room with a couch and a coffee-table, some toys even. The genetics specialist and a dietitian come in and begin talking about where to buy low-protein foods, and they're handing me pamphlets and handouts, showing me websites and support groups, offering to put us in touch with other parents who are dealing with the same thing. This is crazy! I'm going to wake up soon and none of this will be real.

We brought home this perfect little baby and all I want to do is play with her and love on her, but for the last few days, and especially today, every time I look at her I want to cry. I know this isn't the worst thing in the world, and that it's easily treatable with diet. Vanderbilt sells all kinds of low protein foods if it comes to limiting her diet. It's just so hard to know that she can't just live an easy, normal life. This is a lifetime disease. There is no finish line. I keep thinking "we'll get through this, we'll come out on the other side," but there is no other side. This is our lives now. In the grand scheme of things, this is small. I'm sure there are parents out there who's kids have much worse diseases who would like to shoot me for moping about what is essentially a diet issue. "So your kid can't eat beans, meat, and dairy.... at least you know they'll live!" I just wish she didn't have to deal with this. Just like every other parent, I just want her to be normal.

The important thing is that she has no idea anything is wrong. She can't feel this, and that's comforting.

Week One

I cannot believe that one week ago today I was laid up in a hospital bed in labor with my baby girl. She's been absolutely amazing this week! She sleeps for 2 to 3 hours at a time and only wakes up once (maybe twice) during the night. Andy and I have worked out a really good system to cover the night shifts. We trade off nights and mornings. Example: he wakes up with her at 1am so I can sleep, so I get up with her at 7am and he sleeps in; the next night, we swap. In the mornings, she stays up long enough to watch The Price is Right with her Daddy, then it's nap time for us both. We've been lucky to avoid the severe sleep deprivation (so far)! This week has been filled with so many funny little moments that I have tried so hard to make sure I remember. I get weepy (hormones?) when I think about her growing and changing so fast, I wish I could slow down time!

Speaking of hormones, here's a funny one... The three of us made our first venture to Sam's Club and Walmart the other day, about a 45 minute drive from home, and Brittney did GREAT! Her mother? ... Not so much. On the way home, she was a little fussy so I decided to sit in the back with her in case I needed to fix a bottle or sing a song or something. I noticed she was getting hot, so I took off her blanket and noticed (GASP!) a red spot where the buckle of her car seat had rubbed her leg. I swear when I first saw it, it looked like a blister, and what kind of mother would let her daughter sit there with that huge, awful blister?! A terrible mother!! That's what kind!!! ....... Brittney and I competed for loudest sob, and I think I won. Poor Andy.

And since we're sharing stories, here's another one... Our pediatrician is a very frugal man, and he told us not to waste money on powder or expensive wipe warmers. Instead, buy a cheap hair dryer, and hit her little tush with it after you wipe her down. Warm her up and dry her off... two birds, one stone. The first time we tried this, she loved it. But the second time.... Andy turned on the hair dryer (which wasn't even pointed at her bottom yet), and she kicked her legs back, lifted her little tushy, and waited calmly with the most content look on her face! IT WAS PRICELESS!!

Okay, she's needing my attention. Check back later today, I'll be putting a slideshow on the page for your visual enjoyment.

I know you all have been waiting desperately for some pictures of our new baby girl, Brittney Anne. She's an absolute doll! If you didn't already know, we had our baby on Friday, July 2, 2010. She weight 7 pounds, 6 ounces and was 19.5 inches long. Here's the Reader's Digest version of my experience giving birth:

Thursday evening, around 10:00pm, I began having contractions that felt pretty regular, much more regular (and more painful) that the contractions I had been having on and off the previous weeks. By 2:00 the next morning, the contractions were about 3 minutes apart and painful enough to be seriously distracting, so we packed up the car and headed to the hospital, a good 40 minute drive.

When we got there, the nurse said they would check my cervix then(dilated to a 1 at that point) and again in an hour to see if it had changed. An hour later, it hadn't changed, which was a sign of false labor, something they send you home for. Although my cervix hadn't changed, my contractions had gotten much closer, 1 minute apart, and much stronger, strong enough for me to become the moaning heifer that I swore I would never become! Oh yea, I was also throwing up.... a lot. They have me meds for that, which helped. Our nurse decided to keep an eye on me for a little longer because this clearly wasn't false labor. There wasn't anything false about it!

Two hours later, she came back and I had dilated to a 3 (Thank GOD!) and she admitted me shortly before changing shifts with another nurse. The new nurse was amazing. The anesthesiologist was about to get started on a C-section, and therefore would be unable to give me an epidural for quite some time. Our nurse scoured the hospital for someone else who could do it and came up with a seriously pissed off doctor. He man-handled me a bit getting the epidural, which hurt me terribly and pissed off Andy, but once the meds took effect and the pain stopped, I was singing his praises!

From there, it was smooth sailing! I laughed, slept, and dilated exactly 1 cm per hour and pushed for 15 minutes before giving birth to a wonderfully alert, bright eyed baby girl at 5:58 that evening.

Our stay was also wonderful thanks to some truly amazing nurses and hospital staff. Murray Calloway County Hospital is the place to be if you're having a baby! We were discharged on Sunday, the 4th of July, and brought Brittney home wrapped in an American flag. She was quiet the whole way home.

She's been an absolute doll since we've been home, and Andy has been a wonderful father and husband. I am loving EVERY MINUTE of this!!

You know, this whole having a child experience has really opened my eyes to some things. First of all, people don't tell you everything about having a baby, and that's probably a good thing. Pretty much all women know some of the standard gross details, like pooping when you push, or delivering the placenta, but there are things no one warned me about that really made me wonder if I would have done this had I only known! Of course, after seeing Brittney's face, it was all worth it, but I wonder if I would have wanted to become pregnant at all in the first place. For instance, (SPOILER ALERT) if women who are considering having a baby knew that going to the bathroom afterwards would be like World War III, or that you can actually get MORE stretch marks after the baby is born, they might reconsider the urge to procreate. I'd do it all again in a minute for Brittney, though.

No baby yet

Well, I had another doctor's appointment this morning, and no new news. He "stripped my membranes" (ew...) to try to get things started, which left me hurting and very anxiously laying on a towel counting the seconds between cramps wondering was that a contraction? Andy is just as anxious, asking me periodically "Are we about to go to the hospital?" No, hon... it doesn't appear that way.

.... Damn.

You know, despite how lucky I have been, I think every woman reaches a point, usually BEFORE her due date, when she just wants to not be pregnant anymore and will try just about anything to make that so. Of course, they share all their tricks with first-timers like myself and while a week or so ago I chuckled at the thought of bouncing on a yoga ball playing with my nipples and choking down castor oil, I now find my self thinking It can't really taste THAT bad, can it?

Last night I went out to eat with some friends and decided it would be a good idea to add hot sauce to everything the server put in front of me and then walk the 3(ish) miles back to my house to try to send myself into labor. No labor, but as I meandered home with leg cramps, blistered feet and raging heartburn, I realized something: women will try anything, and then when they coincidentally go into labor while doing one of their little labor-inducing tricks, they credit their labor to said trick. If their water breaks while they are brushing their teeth, it's definitely the Colgate! If they were doing laundry, it's the incredible smell of Downy that did it!

I know so many of you are anxiously awaiting a call, or a post with adorable pics of our little girl, and for that I'm sorry. Apparently my uterus is far too comfortable a place for her... I'll have to work on that.

Getting closer....

Andy and I were at a party last night, and I noticed something kinda funny. After explaining my constant contractions and the ever closing proximity to my due date, people keep saying to me "Looks/Sounds like you're getting closer!" Well, yeah. It's not like I can back track at this point!

We are one week out from my due date and getting more excited than ever. Our last doctor's appoint was last Wednesday and I was dilated to 1 centimeter and 80-90% effaced. I've been having contractions about 15-20 minutes apart since Tuesday afternoon, and every time I stand up I feel like the bottom is about to fall out. (TMI for a lot of you, I know... but those of you who have been through this understand.) Everyday I feel like, this could be it, this could be the day! and, so far, it hasn't been. I've been through random bouts of nesting, needing to get every single item in this house where it belongs. I even ran a load of laundry with 2 things in it because I couldn't stand that those two items were not clean and put away. Yesterday, I had more energy than a squirrel and found myself dancing the night away at a friends graduation party, only to intensify my contractions to the point that I really thought I wouldn't make it through the night.

I made it. Clearly. And today, I feel like crap. I'm exhausted to the point that I can barely keep my eyes open and I can't spend more than a few minutes on my feet without wanting to collapse. I've taken 2 naps so far, and I'll probably take another one as soon as I'm finished with this post. I don't feel like eating anything (which is highly out of character for me), and I can barely get a full breath of air comfortably. Maybe this is it..... probably not.

2 more weeks! .... maybe.

I'm officially 38 weeks pregnant today. Someone asked me today if the time and this pregnancy has just flown by. Honestly? No. It's crawled, and I imagine it will continue to crawl until the day our little Brittney arrives. I feel a little guilty about this, but I really don't think being pregnant is any fun, and I've probably had the easiest pregnancy in the history of pregnancies. No swelling. No trouble sleeping or eating. No problem shaving my legs. No blood sugar problems, or any other lab-work problems for that matter. Sure, I have stretch marks (everywhere!), but they don't hurt and they'll fade. I've gained exactly the right amount of weight. At 38 weeks, I'm still up on my feet going shopping, spending time with friends, going to the pool.... believe it or not, I can still touch my toes! It's a little awkward getting out of bed in the morning, but really that's no big deal. And I've only had a handful of emotional breakdowns, none of which have caused my dear husband to run to his man cave! I'm grateful for such an easy time, I'm just getting anxious for her arrival and for some semblance of control over my body again. We've been very blessed!

Andy has even taking this whole pregnancy thing very well. He's taken to calling my hormonal weepy moments my "allergies." He'll catch me crying over a new stretch mark and ask, "Are your allergies acting up today?" He's been a really good sport.

He even went with me to Prepared Childbirth classes at our hospital, classes we've decided not to go back to. The lady teaching the class is also the lactation consultant at the hospital, and she's a little too much of a "natural-hippie-give-birth-in-the-recliner-at-home-and-nurse-until-preschool" kind of woman. During the class we had to practice breathing, and she had the mothers and partners sit face to face, 3 inches apart, going "hee-hee-hee-hoooooooo" in each other's faces. Andy and I had Mexican for dinner, so that was a less than relaxing experience. Besides, why does he have to breath like that? That's just weird. Then, we watched a video of a woman giving birth, and she was COMPLETELY NAKED! Yup... head to toe, bare all, nude... and squishing out a child. Andy's only comment was, "do you have to be naked?" when I told him no, he asked, "Can I be naked?" That's why I love my husband! Honestly, as disruptive as we were, she'll probably be glad when we don't show up tonight. I don't really think I need classes to have a kid anyways... evolution pretty much took care of that.

Hello World!

In light of recent events in my life, I've decided to deactivate my Facebook account. (But Lisa... how will we see pictures of your baby? How will we know what happened to you at work today? I MUST know the last time you took a crap?!?!) Before you chastise me, let me tell you why I've decided to do this.

Number 1: Drama. I live in a small (REALLY small) town, and as a teacher, I cannot be "Facebook friends" (I refuse to call them all "real friends") with certain people, such as students or potential students of mine. This causes hurt feelings and angry kids, which doesn't make my job any easier. Also, coworkers and community members will air their dirty laundry on the site, which I think is a tad inappropriate considering it is a "social networking site," and should have absolutely nothing to do with one's job/career. I cannot tell you how many phone calls of received (OK, I admit, I've made a few of these calls too) saying, "You will not believe what so-and-so posted on so-and-so's wall!" It's very easy for things to get out of control, and I'm not a huge fan of everyone being all up in my business, analyzing every single status update and every single wall post. I know, I'm guilty of it, too! I easily get caught up in quotes people post and who posted what where. It's terribly exhausting, and there are much better things I should be doing with my time, which leads me to....

Number 2: Time. Oh, the things I could accomplish if I wasn't wasting so much time on Facebook. This is not productive, people! And the last thing I need to be doing when our new baby is hungry, I've got lessons to complete, papers to write, and laundry to fold is Farmville. It's addictive... and I'm going cold turkey.

I have been wanting to ditch FB for some time now, but always found an excuse. My favorite of which is that I want to keep in touch and share pictures with family and friends who are out of town. This is my solution. Enjoy!